My First Family Vacation

by Jonene Lee

When you grow up as an only child with a single mom who struggled to make ends meet, vacations weren't something that happened regularly. I remember when I was in 5th or 6th grade my mom took me and my friend Amber to the Wildwood NJ for the week. And then when I was in 9th grade, during a manic episode, my mom opened a Discover card and charged a trip to the Bahamas for her and I. That was a fun trip. I rode on a banana boat and fell off in the clear blue ocean. What a time.

But the vacations that my friends took, who had a mother and a father who lived together along with siblings ... those were the vacations I wondered about. Notice I didn't say "dream" because I never did. It wasn't like I hoped and prayed to go on yearly vacations, I guess I was just, sometimes curious as to how it all worked. They'd come back to school and talk about their Aunt Suzy's apple pie or their twins cousins who fought the whole time. My thought back then and even to this day "there were THAT MANY people in one house for a whole week?!". Seems crazy to me. A big family.

Marc comes from a family who vacations together and last week was one of the best vacations I've had in my life. Marc has 2 other brothers who are both married with kids, plus his mom along with Roo and I ... there were 11 of us! I was nervous at first and may have even cried. I'm very nervous when I'm around other families. I always have been and I feel like I always will be. When I was 20 and sat down for dinner for the first time with my ex husband's family, I don't think I even ate. Sitting at a family dinner is awkward. Are my elbows on the table? What fork is this for? Do these people eat first and then drink their water? Why is someone drinking milk? (kidding ... for humor) but you get my point. I get in my head because I feel less than. I've never had a strong family dynamic and feel like an outsider.

I'll touch on something else that some might not want to hear but a black girl coming into a white family is straight up nerve racking. I've had entirely too many instances with white friends or boyfriends where they're super cool etc ... but their one brother/cousin/uncle is not. And I'm not even saying their going to throw out the N word during Christmas dinner ... I'm saying : we live in a society where people have been allowed to voice passive aggressive micro aggressions and get away with it. A black girl entering a white family (or the other way around with a black man/white woman) has to worry about the fact that someone may say something out of pocket.

I've felt accepted into Marc's family since the day I met them. They're the closest family I've ever been part of. They have a group chat that everyone talks in ... a lot. And I say that in a GREAT way. I would have loved to grow up in a family that got along so well that, as adults, we're in a group chat!

The 2nd day we were there I said to Marc "you should feel super grateful that your family can vacation together like this". Just the simplicity of cooking dinner together or playing games or lounging by the pool ... we even did a craft together. A FAMILY F$%&*!! CRAFT!!

For me and more for Roo ... I'm the one who is now grateful for the Bainbridge family and what they've helped my daughter and I feel for a week.

We felt family and loved every minute of it.