Dutch The Boxer

Saddle up ... because this is a drug story. Well not about drugs, but about the weird things I did when I was on drugs. When I look back, I think "why didn't you just go see a therapist?" but then again ... who had the money for that? I needed all cash on deck for the 30 Percocet 10s I'd take for breakfast lunch and dinner everyday along with Adderall sprinkled in between for snacks.

The year was 2009 and I was about 7 years deep into my pill addiction. I knew I was addicted, I wanted to stop, but I had held onto this secret for so long that I couldn't find the courage to ask for help. Furthermore, I knew it would end up like an episode of Intervention where I would have to go to rehab and my ego DID NOT think I needed that. Everyone I had started taking pills with were either dead or had moved onto Oxys or heroin so telling myself "you're only taking Percocets, you're fine" was something my ego did often. The Adderall? Someone told me that taking adderall would help get me off percocets hahahahahahahaha. What a joke. It was easy for me to pass the ADHD test, get the meds and start snorting them up my nose.

I was married at the time and we had a dog together Dutch, a boxer who, like all of the animals I've had, was my son. I GAVE BIRTH TO HIM and you couldn't tell me otherwise. What we didn't know what that Dutch had cardiomyopathy which is a heart condition common in Boxers. There are different phases to cardiomyopathy and with the first stage he never showed any symptoms. My second boxer Gus had it too only he showed symptoms in the way of a heart attack as we were hiking in the Wissahickon woods one day with my daughter. Luckily we were able to get him on heart meds and he lived to be 12.

One day Dutch was scheduled to have some moles removed and had to be put under anesthesia ... and well ... he died on the table.

My ex husband and I had been to Jazzy Jeff's house for a BBQ that Sunday. I was so excited because ... I mean ... Jazzy Jeff invited me to his home, with my camera and there were so many hip hop legends there. Dutch was staying at my ex's parents house and would be home Monday with my ex after work. I remember I was on the phone with my friend Adrienne and Austin walked through the door. I was so excited to see my boy I asked "WHERE'S MY DINKY?!!" (Dinky was his nickname) ... and Austin was crying. He said "Dutch isn't coming home baby". He was totally healthy and only 6 years old, so why did he die? Dogs with that condition can't be put under anesthesia because it will kill them. Cardiomyopathy is basically an irregular heart beat and when you mix it with anesthesia, the outcome isn't so good. So there I was, high on a cocktail of pills, no therapy, running around the streets with my camera. I decided to take a photo I had of Dutch and make it my photography business card.

And you'd think I would've just stopped there with it, but I didn't. I decided to have people hold up my business card when I took their photo at shows or events.

Posdnuos aka Plug One of De La Soul with my dead dog.

Slick Rick with my dead dog

I often wonder what everyone thought when I made them do this? At the time I didn't care, but now I think to myself ... "I would've thought I was completely crazy". I didn't explain to anyone why I was doing it or who the dog was, I just said "Can I get a shot with you holding my business card?"

J. Period and Dutch

For some reason I feel like J. Period asked who the dog was. We were at a block party in Brooklyn, he wasn't djing so I think we got into a little convo about it. By then I was over the initial pain of Dutch's death, wasn't taking pills (but relapsed again a few months later) and I was doing it for "a photo project" which made it sound more like a reasonable ask.

Pete Rock ... a hip hop legend ... with my dead dog.

Dj Evil Dee was smart and held up his business card as well for the photo.

Maseo of De La Soul and Dutch

Questlove once told me "you're a great photographer, you just need to work on your lighting" ... and as you can see, he was right. Totally missed the shot and I think Maseo was kind of wondering why he was holding up a business card with a dog on it.

Dru Ha, Tek of Smif N Wessun & Peedi Crack ... a group shot ... with my dead dog.

I've never really shown these photos all together to anyone. I had a few of them on my photo website when it was up and I think you can find some on my old Flickr page, but other than that ... you're the first. So thanks for reading my dead dog story ... I appreciate you :)

Jonene

xoxo